Writing Log #7: Erasure of “Home” by Tammy Subia

Bethany Herold

Professor Egger

ENGL 2060 E01

20 November 2015

Writing Log #7: Erasure of “Home” by Tammy Subia

I never understood why Dorothy was so eager to get home. Home was gray and lonely. During the time of the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl, people in Kansas were dying. The film came at the perfect time. Oz was bright, fun, magical. Yet all she wanted to do the entire time was go back home to Kansas. My long-time friend, Nicole, was the first one to live totally on her own. I’d always pictured the two of us, with Styrofoam cups of coffee in hand, strolling down the street of a small town, walking past the row of little shops until we reached the storefront of our own bookshop. I pictured us at home where I’d work on my own writing and she would be my first editor.

Twenty-two out of my twenty-four years have been spent in Connecticut living with my mother and grandmother. I couldn’t wait to get out of Enfield and find something more exciting somewhere else. My older brother Tony invited me to move to San Diego, California, to live with him after I graduated from high school, I jumped at the chance. My brother grilled us steaks and hamburgers outside on his patio for dinner. He showed me how to get to the mall, where we went to the movie theater on weekends and shared a large bag of buttered popcorn. I wasn’t in school and it took me quite a while to find a retail job, so it felt more like a long vacation than my new home. Within the year my plane touched down in Bradley Airport in the middle of the night. Now it’s five years later, and sometimes I feel embarrassed that I am twenty-four and still living at home.

Graduating from college seems like the perfect occasion for moving out, so why hadn’t I given it any serious thought until now? I think that Dorothy wanted to go home because Oz was new and often scary to her. Anywhere you go, you can make new stories. What matters isn’t the places you go, it’s the people you’re surrounded by. If Dorothy had just given Oz a chance, she would have been happy because the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion all loved her. I love my family, but friends can also become family over time. Though a part of me cannot imagine leaving my family, another part of me worries that I may soon resent them for keeping me here. Of course, I am free to make my own choice, but I still feel an obligation to stay with them. I know everyone would get along just fine without me, but I wonder how I would get along without them.

I’ve driven from the east coast of this country to the west one, and I’ve seen plenty of interesting places, but none of them felt like they could ever be my home. But I know now that’s what I’m searching for, a home – not an Oz. Oz is the place you go to when you need an escape from your day-to-day life. I realize now why Dorothy was never meant to stay in Oz. Kansas was her home. So how do you know when and where to go? There’s no red sand hourglass or a yellow-brick road to follow. I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to do. I don’t have to live with Nicole; I could go anywhere. I don’t have ruby slippers, but I have glittery flip-flops and a yellow Ford Escape. As you get older, you learn how you can create your own home for yourself wherever you go. And if you’re lucky, you’ll also find an Oz to visit now and then when things get rough.

References

Subia, Tammy. “Home.” Home, Creative Non-Fiction by Tammy Subia. 2010. Web. 15 Nov. 2015. <http://www.snreview.org/0210Subia.html&gt;.

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